Mid-Shower Revelation

So I just got out of a most enlightening shower. The story is, at some point while shampooing my hair, I remembered that time last July when a group of classmates made me sit alone at the Rocky Horror Picture Show. And the thing was, all the things I felt then, all the rejection and discomfort and awkwardness and loneliness and just plain rage all came back. And while I forgave those people, because I get that we weren’t BFFs or whatever, it still hurts. A lot. And the thing is, I’ve tried to be so friendly with these people and talk to them and invite them to things and generally be a friend. But today I realized that it’s actually really pathetic. It’s obvious that these people don’t consider me their friend — or, if they do, then they treat their friends like shit — so really, I’m just being my typical social anxiety patient unaware self. BUT TODAY IS A NEW DAY. I will continue to be nice, because honestly, they’re nice enough people (with the exception of one, who’s a total ass), and I’d like to think of myself as a nice person. But I’m not going to be their friend, because honestly I don’t want to. And I never was anyway.